Illustration by Cute
Radio waves that cannot be seen overhead are flying.There is a frequency in loneliness."I like it," "I love you," "I want to see you," "I'm jealous," and various emotions are on the frequency, and you'll get on the chest from far above the sky.
Love is a set of lonely radio waves woven like air.
At that time I thought it was a true love.
Until you meet you.
We are angry, crying, laughing, and sorrowful, but sometimes attacked by the emotions that are not explained in words.
What is more important than words is emotions.What he told me was a feeling that gave me a feeling that I would never come true.
The world that can be cut out of words is only a small part of the world we see, and the emotions that cannot be in words are true.
In such a sentiment, he taught me emotions in a sentiment.At that time, we were too young, you were young and beautiful.
It doesn't have that figure anymore, but I still dream of you.
So I spin the story.
To give me a light, give a dissonance, and gave only the emotions that could be torn, and disappeared.
This is the first love story.It's a forbidden story that no one can tell.Near and far.It's far and close.It is a true story of such a pale broken heart.
"killed"
the next day.Her classmate Reiko shouted to me who was drinking water in the sink sink beside the classroom.The face was pale.I couldn't swallow it well.
When I went to the site, I was clinging.Her beautiful face was swollen and swollen, and carbonated water was applied above her.From the degree of water splattering, it may have been interesting from the top floor of the school building.
"cormorant……"
I was barely breathing.The word being killed was after severe violence, so I couldn't imagine an exaggerated expression.
If you make a mistake, you may have really died.And I immediately found the mastermind.
"Which one is more important?"
A appeared while hanging his hand.There was a boy around him laughing with his belly.
"Yesterday, there is a guy who saw going to that house."
The "liar" taxi is not possible.I was sorry.The history had disappeared during the lunch break.
"Did you see your smartphone?"
I never knew the human feelings of doing that.I didn't want to understand.
"Honestly, did you do it?" "Isn't it a fool?" "Hey, let's call you," "Did you do it?"I broke my promise -because it was the one who came to a human mon. "
So the sound was heard from behind.Something was returning a bubble -like thing from her mouth.The limbs are violently convulsed.
"Fast. Someone" "Hey, yabezo" "ambulance!"
A was the most panicked.
"I'm sorry.
He desperately rushed to the assault opponent and took his jacket and carried out.I don't know the friendship of the boy.I often saw talking with them in the past.
The siren of the alarm sounded.An ambulance came.It was not important.There was no abnormality in the CT scan.
After everything is over.
In the cold corridor in front of the staff room, I was reprimanded side by side.I don't know the logic of adults.I don't know the logic of the school.not give a damn about.
I kept feeling transparent only about Kimi.
Cross the bridge.I keep walking.We continue to walk.I keep walking.The breath to vomit is white.The whimsical weather forecast has come off again.It didn't snow.It's raining cold.
Looking back, the time I spent was always raining.The lake has ice.I heard a transparent dissonance, where the ice in the river hit the rainy water.
"I'm glad. It's safe.""My heart is not safe."The school processed as a fight between classmates.Just being beaten by a bump, he just beat the opponent unilaterally and had a mild injury.
"But I was relieved," "What is the brain?" "Is it ridiculed?"
It was a light trauma shock.He did not have the symptoms of subdural hematoma.There were no abnormalities in CT and MRI tests.There was no problem.
But even if there is no problem, the time passes without mercy.Currently in the past, the past is a distant past, and the fantasy future becomes a reality.The world is a set of transparent memories that always passes me.
"Hey," "Yeah," "Is your heart brain?" "Let's go" "If your brain is your brain, where will I go?" "I'm on my skull" "Yeah"I'm in the memory of
You are good here now.
But at that time, Kimi was there.I was walking near the gauze position.Symptoms have fallen relatively quickly.It was fortunate to be mild.
"Is he okay?" "Who is he?"
I pretended to be unknown.
"I'm a boyfriend of you." "I'm a former boyfriend."
The end of the bridge gradually became visible.I can see the familiar tower apartment.The light of the lake flowing while shaking was entangled with water, body fluid and tears, reminiscent of his crying figure.He cried and apologized.But a boy is like that.The next day, he must be a video in the story while looking at the smartphone screen and laughing.
I never forgive him.There was no reason he couldn't forgive.Conversely, I wanted a reason not to forgive.
And I wanted a reason to wrap it in.That was my honest emotion.There was no sentiment.
"Is it okay?" "Yeah"
In a bedroom with nobody, I was looking up at the thin hair with the pigment while being pushed down.
"Hey," "What do you like about me?" "I like it"
I thought it was a heavy woman.But she said without a break.Looking at my eyes, he told me.So I believed it was true.In the eyes of the dolls that were pretending to be important, they should have been more sensitive than anyone else.
Then a clumsy sound began to flow.
It's meaningless music.Only the sound of rubbing and rubbing the skin was carved in a certain rhythm, and the date ended before the date changed.
"I like it, it's transparent."
During the act, the words were many times in the head.That's exactly what you say.It's all as you say.
The blood that permeated the sheets was not mine.It was a blood of you spilled from the damaged place.
That was a little sad.
Still, that was the first time I was able to touch my heart.Potori.Potori and the blood of the falling kimi made me feel painful the existence of the instructions every time I knock my fingertips.However, the collapse footsteps were approaching very close.No, everything was broken from the beginning.The scattered dishes are cracked, and the dining is lovely stuffed animals and stationery scattered.
yes.The story was all over from the beginning and began before it ended.
I woke up at the moment of the happiness, sleeping while being wrapped in the smell of my favorite person.You can hear the sound of water.From the other side of the bathroom, you can hear the sound of the shower.
I should have just fallen asleep.I should have pretended not to look.
But I found a message of a mobile phone that turned on my hand.The sender was from A.
"I couldn't forgive you for someone."
It was an apology.I stopped breathing and stared at that character.Then I looked at my bedside.
Both are the same iPhone.There is no difference in appearance.
But something is strange.A sobbing of cold ice flows around the throat while cramping.
I took my bedside mobile phone.An image of a adorable cat is projected.There are messages from girls from classmates who have sealed their mouths to dodge their parents.no doubt.This is my mobile phone.
Then, what is the lit mobile phone now?Who is it?It's his.What does it mean?
"" "" ""
After the blank of a moment of thinking, a "answer" like a revelation became a lightning strike and penetrated my skull.
And I couldn't move for a moment.He was hesitant to check the work.In my mind, the words I vomited were floating.
" - Did you see your smartphone?" " - Minimum"
Until now, I didn't know the human feelings of doing that.I didn't want to understand.
I didn't do it.
However, the body was moving without permission.He couldn't even control himself.My fingertips type a mobile phone screen like crazy.A row of simple numbers.0 line.1 continuous.You are the birthday of you.My birthday.And his birthday that I know very well, who should have hurt you.
The darkness opened.There was a screen.The lock has been released.
"I can't respond to my feelings.Still, I couldn't forgive you. "
The message was read.Then, I scrolled the image and forget to breathe, stared at the person on the screen.
There was a lot of photos of A.
Visible shook.The world was up and down in small increments.I found that my senses were lost from my feet.I felt a loss that broke down the world and collapsed from the base.
"--- What is normal?"
The words that you should have forgotten flash back one after another.
"--- Is it abnormal in the brain?" "-I doesn't like him."
The discomfort that should have been pretending to be unnoticed rushed like a raging.
"Which one is more important?"It is worse to put out a person's mon"
It was directed to me, not me.It was not jealousy about what I was friends with others, but jealousy for that same sex.It was a disgust for inviting me to my house.And probably the same is the same.My intuition told me."What is normal?" "What is normal?" "What is the usual?" When the words go around, the skull that has been making a detour outputs one answer.
You also used me.He was connected to me and felt him with me, indirectly, and overlapped with me.I was just a catalyst.It was just an uncertain body to fulfill a transparent emotion that could not be fulfilled.I just used the body.
The sound of the water was stopped.Kimi after taking a shower was watching me.
"Did you see it?"
I just asked that.I nodded.He looked down.
That was the answer.
"No! I thought so at first,"
I couldn't hear the words of Kimi from behind, who jumped out with bare feet to escape.
"As I touched me, I felt the pain in the heart of you ..."
Why didn't you notice early?It should have been more sensitive than anyone in the eyes of the dolls that were pretending to be important.I couldn't feel this eyes because it was not transparent but muddy.I didn't want to believe it.I didn't want to see it.
A and me are not pure romantic relationships.He seems to be dating from others, but for him, just one of the options.I knew that.I should have understood.
――The thing I can remember is the event in the second music room.――It was a lover of an important friend, and I was a doll that was cherished.
It is sociable and safe.I was like that, but I felt that there was no place anywhere.
I felt that the body was not enough.
I wanted to touch someone.I wanted someone to touch it.That's why I just used you.It is useless to hit the victim.It is meaningless.
It was me that was dirty.
I cried and walked around the city at night.Cross the bridge.The light of the car flows.There is a thick ice on the surface of the lake.The light of the high -rise architecture behind is moving away.The sound did not sound anymore.The rain had already stopped.Instead, a white thing came down.
It was snow.
The transparent snow was clearly shot in my eyes and did not leave.On the ground, there is a thick ice on the midnight river under freezing.
I told myself in the ice that looked like a mirror.
"I hate it very much"
Do you remember the sound of the moment when your heart was broken for the first time?Do you remember the good luck that you could touch your heart for the first time?
At that time I was already 15 years old.
It's farther away, but it's a gray winter day that I remember like yesterday.After school on the day when I lit my first emotions in my heart, which was translucent and still transparent.
At that time, we loved each other, touched each other's hearts, and broke our hearts.
But the broken heart is still crystallized in memory, even if it broke like a broken glass, and shines like a jewel.
So I spin the story.
I think only the light that feels pain will be the light to save you.
（Illustration by Cute／Novel by 鏡征爾）
Illustrator / cartoonist.
Graduated from Musashino Art University Textile Design major.
The romance short edit, which depicts the daily life and conflicts of modern girls, "KADOKAWA) (KADOKAWA) has been decided immediately.
The latest work -"It's up to you whether today will be hell, but you will save you" (kadokawa)
SNS: Twitter / Instagram
Novelist.
"White Puts" won the first grand prize at the Kodansha BOX Newcomer Award.He also works.
In addition, "group statue" and "Yuriika".He is a doctoral program at the University of Tokyo.Left -handed Pisces.
Recent favorite Hamafumafu stamps and walking solo.
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